Yahnke Tapes: How to Really Hurt Your Gay Child.
A post by Neil Hart on homosexuality, LGBT, lesbian and gay stuff and the Lutheran church of Australia.
Regular readers will know that I have been following up on a seminar entitled Clear Conscience Courageous Living that was held at the Mannum Lutheran Church in August this year. The seminar which included discussion on homosexuality was sanctioned by the LCA College of Presidents and was conducted by members of ”Doxology” a service arm of the Missouri Synod of the Lutheran Church in America. The visiting speakers also made presentations to pastors’ gatherings in both South Australia and Queensland.
As has been shown in previous posts much of the information presented at the seminar is factually inaccurate and presents views that have been condemned by relevant health authorities. It is disappointing, therefore, to see that these videos are being promoted by our church right now on the LCA website.
Dr Yahnke who presented the sessions on homosexuality talked about what to do when a gay son or daughter comes out. Those who have seen previous posts on Dr Yahnke will not be surprised to hear that her words are somewhat less that compassionate.
We join presentation where she describes a gay child’s desperate plea for acceptance.
I want to know that this is OK with you
She goes on but… I think you have the idea.
I have been sitting on this clip for a couple of weeks. There was something about what Dr Yahnke’s said, both the tone and the words, that reminded me of someone but I couldn’t remember who. Then, today, I did.
This is from the 2007 documentary “For the Bible Tells Me So”.
I’m thinking of Marginalised Lutheran, one of the regular commentators on this blog and all the other gay teachers, students, pastors and lay people in our church. I’m so sorry for the shaming words. I’m glad you stuck around to see the change that is coming.
And Anna’s Mother? Well, she changed churches and became involved in PFLAG
Anna’s mother who “spoke the truth in love” and wrote that harsh letter to her daughter reminds me so much of Dr Yahnke. Perhaps, one day, like Anna’s mother, Dr Yahnke will also learn about love and the freedom of the Gospel.
“”Accept me the way I am, affirm me the way I am or you’ll never see me again.” Those are heartbreaking ultimatums.” @ 2:26
The gay son or daughter manipulating the parent, trying to make parents choose between their kids and their faith. They use threats of seperation to try and bully their parents into sin. That’s what I hear her saying here.
Guidlines for responding to your gay child: Tell them they are welcome in your house, after all Jesus ate with leppers. (Being gay is like being diseased and I may catch it if I sit too close)
Call their partner their “friend”. Don’t elevate the relationship by using words such as partner or lover. (Always act in a state of denial. Even if your child loves this person as you love your husband/wife, don’t give them the satisfaction of acknowledging this, always belittle their relationship. It might be better if when you say “this is John’s friend, you use inverted commas around friend, just to get the point accross that you don’t even elevate him to friend status but you have to call him something. You’d really like to call him John’s peverted, sinful aquaintance who he will hopefully kick to the curb the minute he sees I am right and holy and he is on a path to hell.
Don’t let younger siblings hear any talk of sexuality. ( Hide the truth from your kids at all cost. Even if it means a broken relationship between siblings. After all, if younger kids know their older sibling is gay it is likely they will try to copy and become gay themselves.)
Tell your gay child IF they are willing to abide by these guidlines THEN they will be welcome in YOUR house (they are somehow seperate from the family now).
If they refuse to abide by these guidlines it may be appropriate to cut them off. (Really it would be easier if they just went away and I as a parent didn’t have to deal with it. I could tell my friends they’ve gone off to uni somewhere. I can be safe in the knowledge that their sinful ways will catch up with them one day and they will see that I was right and God will reward me for choosing my faith over my family….even though my family are the people God has placed in my life to love and care for especially carefully…..)
Totally reasonable requests to ensure the safety of the family from this “gay stuff” while still being loving to your gay child. It’s all hunky dory …………….right?
Can you believe the nerve of those gay kids who give heartbreaking ultimatums???
sigh…. I don’t even know what to say…sigh
Thanks for this reflection Sarah. But, this is not just what Yahnke is saying, this is what our church, is saying to these families. In a way, then, this is what you and I are saying to these families… aren’t we?
I had to stop watching the video before I was physically sick or I broke my phone. :(
I needed to pray for all the families she’s ever tried to ‘help’ through this. She counsels vulnerable families who listen to this garble… It frightens me. Poor kids, poor families, poor God!
I keep sayin’ it coz it continues to be true. Yahnke is irrelevant. The one making these terribly hurtful statements is, ultimately, the LCA, our church. The money we put on the offering plate funds this nonsense. Our silence sanctions its content. So, AB, the real question is…”What are we going top DO about it”???
I sent a letter to the President on Saturday night to take the Yahnke post down off the website. No reply yet! :(
Onya AB! Now, whats everyone else doing?
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I got one thing to say lady – It doesn’t matter if you use a nice doctor voice and smile innocently as you talk – those are words of hate!
I know I take a real risk here but the parents here also really suffered and many continue to. Now I recognize that in this forum that homosexuality in loving monogamous relationships is acceptable before God in fact blessed like a heterosexual relationship (hate using those defining words but need to to make the point). But you know that some people will never change their views on infant baptism in an organized church environment and I guess we all accept that some people who have gay children/siblings etc will never accept “gay” as being acceptable before God in organized church. Acceptance starts with accepting yourself and accepting how you feel with God, thats real acceptance in fact the only acceptance that matters. Accepting that God has made you the way you are and you are in His will. So maybe that acceptance is required on both sides. I know families who do not accept that there child is living with a woman not married and on the other hand I know people who are angry that there child has become a Christian and won’t accept them because of this. You know what many of us in all sorts of facets of life are not accepted. Do we then force ourselves onto others, do we start issuing ultimatums: is that loving, is that what Christ wants. Or are we to turn the other cheek? We are not called to live like victims but called to life victoriously. However LCA endorsed programs such as these have no place because they are not either the parents or the children however well meaning they might feel they are and that point needs to be made. I agree with Neil it is the LCA not this women who needs to be held accountable. They are giving her a forum for her views. And this is just not a problem in the Christian community worse in some other religions. I recently had a mate who daughter came out, he is not a Christian but was angry as was his wife. Yes self centered no grand children etc etc etc. I think he was surprised knowing I am a Christ follower that I asked he a couple of simple questions: Did she choose this? Is she all of a sudden a different person? So why would you withhold love from her? This was hard for them even though they have no Christian convictions about homosexuality. How much harder for those who do?
Omg, it hurts so much every time my mom puts down lesbians but smiles benignly at the fun she had working with gay boys at a shop. How does a person not see their own contradictions? i have given up trying to explain to heterosexuals the damage they do in the name of god. Its an impossibility to shift them from their fear of eternal damnation if they should dare to love their gay/lesbian children unconditionally. My mom lives in fear of shame, that is, what will others think? To the point of rejecting her own children & preferring they live a miserable, unfulfilled life. My one act of self-respect? Reject the church! Whichever church.
I think I hear you. Self respect. Reject that which causes such grief, that which boast of upholding family and then tears family apart. Yes. It is all about fear. And it is right to reject fear and those who propagates it. But…what if those who pedal in that fear are those you love? Can you reject the fear and not the person?
How to relate to the situation is this. If u are in a relationship, say, heterosexual marriage. And your spouse verbally, emotionally and physically abuses you, should u stay there year after year becoming a worn down, battered, possibly mentally ill person or should u face the fears of ‘what will my parents say?’, ‘what will my church say?’ and get yourself as far away from the situation as possible? I believe we all have a right to be loved and cherished. If that is not happening in a relationship of any kind then it is not a healthy, loving relationship. It is not a safe environment. There are far too many suicides [alcoholics & drug addicts also] because a parent who is supposed to love you just doesn’t when it comes down to the nitty-gritty.
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Heartbreaking.
I hope there were no men in the audience. According to the LCMS women cannot be in authority over men and this includes teaching.